still breathing

january didn’t feel like a restart.
it felt like staying.

staying present.
staying honest.
staying when everything in me wanted to check out.

this month showed me how often i live in extremes.
all in or all out.
faith on fire or completely empty.

and right now, faith doesn’t look like confidence.
it looks like showing up anyway.

some days i showed up strong.
some days i barely showed up at all.

but i showed up.

i’m realizing how much i try to carry alone.
money.
healing.
calling.
creativity.

independence has kept me safe,
but it’s also kept me tired.

music keeps coming back.
not as regret.
not as nostalgia.
but as an invitation.

forgetting the past doesn’t mean erasing it.
it just doesn’t get the wheel anymore.

january wasn’t about finishing the race.
it was about staying on the track.